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Assalaamu'alaykum,
Two years have passed since I lost my husband on March 13th, 2022.
Losing my lifelong partner and best friend in such a dramatic and unexpected way unearthed a depth of pain and sorrow within me that I didn’t even know existed.
But it’s not the pain that I want to share with you today…
Instead, I want to shine a light on the human ability to be resilient and keep moving forward despite any internal pain and suffering.
And the capacity within us to walk alongside grief and gratitude, hand in hand, along a path inevitably laden with tests, trials, and tribulations.
When Al-Khaliq (The Creator) designed us, He chose that we would be tested in all sorts of manner, as He says:
“We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and famine and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure—who say, when struck by a disaster, “Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we will ˹all˺ return.” They are the ones who will receive Allah’s blessings and mercy. And it is they who are ˹rightly˺ guided. (Quran 2: 155-157)
We see the reality of these tests all around us - in ourselves, in our loved ones and with people we know or hear about.
Right now we’re seeing through our screens the heart-wrenching scenes of unprecedented death, destruction and suffering but what’s truly captivating our hearts is their undeniable faith and spirit, they shine like angels with grace, composure and absolute tawakkul (Trust in Allah).
They’re living proof that Al-Lateef (The Most Gentle) instilled within us a capacity to endure even the most challenging of tests with spiritual fortitude.
He gave each of us a deep potential to go through life’s extreme lows while simultaneously soaring closer towards Him, clinging on to the rope of sabrun jameelun (beautiful patience) with absolute trust and complete surrender to His will.
A grieving heart finds solace in knowing that death is not the end of life, but rather the beginning of our eternal existence.
This world is just a temporary separation between the illusion and reality, between hearts connected in this life and souls reunited in the next.
The following words were shared by our beloved Prophet (saw) to his daughter when her son’s soul was passing:
"To Allah belongs what He takes and what He gives, and everything has a limited period (in this world). So, ask her to endure patiently, and expect the reward of Allah." (Bukhari)
To endure patiently, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel pain or express grief.
Grief resides within, becoming part of the journey - sometimes it's large and present, at other times hidden and insignificant.
To endure patiently is to acknowledge and process the pain with self-compassion, yet never utter words displeasing to Allah.
Allah’s promises are real, and His promise of reward to those who endure patiently fuels the mindful soul to contain messy emotions and cling tightly to His rope with a heart full of hope.
Allah has created us with incredible potential that we have to dig deep to uncover. It’s by no means easy and at times we fail miserably but the reward lies in the return – He loves it most when His weary servant returns to Him with a repentant heart, time and time again.
I’d like to share a few reflections I’ve had over the past couple of years, from my heart to yours, dear reader:
#1 This life is short my brothers and sisters. Don’t waste it with petty issues or holding onto grudges. Create a sense of urgency to seize every opportunity to please Allah and run towards what weighs heavy on your scale of good deeds in the next life.
#2 Study Allah’s beautiful Names to get to know Him and nurture the most important relationship in your life. You can have a deep, meaningful connection with Allah by keeping Him close, talking to Him like a friend and feeling Him right next to you with every breath and step you take.
#3 You were chosen for your tests. Each one of you has specific hardships designed for you. It’s not placed upon you to break you, but it’s gifted to you to bring you closer to Him. Shifting your perspective can transform your pain into valuable lessons and gratitude.
#4 Take the time to look around you. There are many ayat (signs) and lessons in nature for us to reflect on. Each time I look at the sky, I’m reminded of how they’ll become gateways to an unseen world. This keeps the akhirah a close reality.
#5 Surround yourself with good companions. You need people who will uplift you and remind you of Allah during your weaker moments. You want the sincere duaas of your companions who will remember you during their night prayers when they’re closest to Allah and speak to Him about you.
#6 Istighfar is the key to inner peace. We’re all in desperate need of His mercy. Even the very best of mankind cannot enter Jannah (Paradise) without receiving His mercy. Make it a regular part of your day to continuously ask Allah to pour His rahma (mercy)upon you, it’s only with His rahma and remembrance that blessed doors will open, problems will vanish and hearts will find rest.
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