The only way to create real change

Assalaamu'alaykum,

Over the past nine years as a coach, I've had the privilege of working with countless clients facing difficult relationships, helping them break free from the emotional stronghold these situations used to have on them, Alhamdulillah.

Recently, I worked with a client who felt completely drained, both emotionally and physically, due to a difficult extended family member. She often internalised their words, leading to constant hurt and frustration, which triggered angry reactions. Even during her salah (prayers), their negative exchanges would intrude, leaving her distracted, restless and unfocused. 

As you can imagine, this situation occupied much of her headspace, deeply affecting her mental and spiritual well-being.

Together, we focused on understanding her inner state and how she interpreted the family member’s actions. She became more aware of her emotional triggers and learned how to manage her reactions, instead of allowing the situation to escalate or affect her mood.

Through this self-awareness and growth, she regained her inner peace and could shift her energy to what truly mattered in her life, without being consumed by the negativity of that relationship. Alhamdulillah, she now approaches these interactions with calmness and balance.

Her journey toward deeper self-knowledge enabled her to focus on her own character and priorities, strengthening her connection with Allah and her resilience!

Our starting point for any real change is always to look within ourselves first. As Allah (SWT) reminds us in the Qur'an:

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (Surah Ar-Ra'd 13:11)

When we focus on what's happening inside us and work on improving how we react to things, we make room for positive changes to unfold in our lives, InshaAllah.

The real shift always starts with us first.