A habit our community needs to unlearn

Assalaamu’alaykum, 

I think this might be a cultural thing but I’ve heard it said over and over again in different spaces.

“Look at so-and-so... see what they’re going through... it’s because they did this.”

“This is happening to them because they didn’t do that.”

But here’s the scary thing.

We have absolutely no clue how they are seen (or judged!) in the eyes of Allah.

What we see on the outside isn’t even a scratch on the surface compared to the depth of Allah’s knowledge.

He knows every corner of their heart, every intention behind their actions, every private moment, every hidden struggle.

He knows what they say and what they don’t say. What they feel and what they bury.

He knows the wounds that shaped them and the motivations that fuels them.

And it’s that fuel, the inner truth of a person, that Allah looks at.

And even when their behaviour looks wrong on the outside, even when it’s something we can clearly identify as an error or something that goes against what we believe is good action, Allah still knows the intention that is driving it, a layer we could never see or possibly know. 

Our role as believers is to take lessons from what we observe, perhaps uphold boundaries where needed and protect our own hearts. But it is never ever our position to pass judgement on their standing with Allah. That realm belongs to Him alone.

We don’t know the good deeds they do in secret, the sadaqah nobody hears about, the Qur’an recitation whispered in the night or the tears shed when no one is watching.

We don’t know the intentions they hold for the future or the quiet battles they fight daily.

So what we see as pain or suffering might not be punishment at all.

It could be Allah cleansing them, elevating them, expiating their sins and paving their way to His mercy and to Jannah.

And the very person we judge or look down on, the person we create stories about, could be far higher in rank with Allah than we could ever imagine simply because He knows what we don’t.

If we are more concerned with judging others than correcting ourselves then the problem isn’t them. It’s our ego.

This is an ego issue before anything else.

I wanted to shine a light on this because it’s so common especially amongst the older generation. A relative suffers. A friend struggles. And immediately the equation begins.

“This happened because she did this.”

“He’s struggling because he didn’t do that.”

But these judgments are not ours to make. Ever.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“A man once said: ‘By Allah, Allah will not forgive so-and-so.’

But Allah the Exalted said: ‘Who is he who swears by Me that I will not forgive someone?

Indeed, I have forgiven him and I have nullified your deeds.’”

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2621, also reported in the collections of Hadith Qudsi)

This is a powerful narration about a man who judged another sinner, Allah then forgave the sinner and condemned the ‘pious’ man for making a judgment that did not belong to him.

SubhanAllah. That is how serious this is.

So the next time you see someone suffering regardless of what you think of them, here is what you do:

1. Say Astaghfirullah - Let it humble you. Let it remind you that none of us are safe.
2. Make a sincere duaa for them - Ask Allah to make their difficulty a cleansing a means of guidance and a path to His mercy.
3. Look inward - Be more concerned with your own corrections than pointing fingers at others.

Because every time your finger points outward three fingers quietly point back at you.

May Allah protect our hearts from arrogance and the blindness of ego.

And if this stirred something in you, if you feel it’s time to work on your inner world, your identity, your spiritual alignment and the way you show up in life then I have just two one-to-one coaching slots left for this year (sorry sisters only).

If you’re ready to work on strengthening your emotional regulation, refining how you see and treat yourself and others and cultivating a heart that moves with purpose and sincerity then book a call with me and let’s explore whether coaching is the right step for you.

Through this journey, you’ll work towards:

• A clearer sense of who you are and what truly matters to you
• A calmer, more grounded inner state that helps you regulate emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them
• Healthier ways of handling judgement both from yourself and others
• A mindset rooted in Tawakkul, not fear, self-doubt or external noise
• Alignment between your inner values and your outward actions
• Stronger self-compassion so you stop being so hard on your self
• Authenticity in how you move through relationships without shrinking or overcompensating
• More clarity, courage and confidence in the decisions you make
• A heart that feels spiritually anchored, not scattered or reactive

If this is the kind of shift you’re longing for, then I’d love to speak with you.

This is for serious applicants only who are genuinely considering coaching as a commitment.

And please, if you book a time slot, do honour it. Each space is limited and could go to someone who may really need that time.

Click here to book your call.
Let’s connect and start this journey together, InshaAllah! 

May Allah grant us a heart polished with humility and protected by His mercy. Ameen ya Rabb. 

P.S. Here are a few ways we can stay connected and work together:

1. Join Breaking Barriers – a monthly membership with live trainings, expert guest interviews, powerful Shukr circles, and sincere, like-hearted suhba (companionship). You’ll also get access to a growing library of faith-rooted tools to help you grow with emotional strength and spiritual clarity. Join here. (Sisters only).

2. Book 1:1 coaching – personalised, faith-based support to help you cultivate deep self-awareness, inner peace and emotional resilience. If you're ready to align your efforts with your highest worldly and spiritual goals, schedule a free discovery call with me. (Sisters only).

3. Take the Spiritual Confidence Quiz – discover your unique strengths and growth areas when it comes to showing up with faith-led confidence. Take the quiz here.

Reflection of the Week

Where has my heart been quick to judge?
What would shift inside me if I focused on purifying my own intentions instead?

Dua of the Week

اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنِي فِي عَيْنِي صَغِيرًا وَفِي أَعْيُنِ النَّاسِ كَبِيرًا

Allahumma ij‘alni fi ‘ayni sagheeran wa fi a‘yuni-n-naasi kabeeran O Allah make me small in my own eyes and great in the eyes of people.

Allah's name of the Week

Al-Baseer (The All-Seeing)

Ya Al-Baseer, You see every intention every struggle every hidden moment within us.

Soften our hearts with humility and protect us from looking at others with eyes of judgement.

Let us see ourselves clearly, correct what needs correcting and walk with sincerity that is pleasing to You.