Do you have a difficult person in your life?

Assalaamu'alaykum, 

Handling difficult relationships, especially with close family or friends, can feel like heavy lifting - draining you mentally, emotionally and spiritually and sometimes even grating down on your physical health. 

It’s no surprise that this is one of the most common challenges my clients bring up in our sessions, as Allah reminds us in the Qur’an:

"We have made some of you a trial for others. Will you not then be patient? And your Lord is All-Seeing." (Qur’an 25:20)

There may have been times when your character was unfairly questioned - perhaps by an older sibling or a friend.

You might’ve felt the sting of having your well-intentioned actions misinterpreted or misunderstood by your spouse.

Or maybe you’ve faced harsh judgement by a parent, leaving you feeling hurt and unseen.

In the heat of the moment, emotions can easily take over and the instinct to defend yourself or correct a perceived wrong may overwhelm your usual self-control. 

This can push you beyond the boundaries you’ve set for yourself when it comes to maintaining good manners and upholding a strong character, leaving you with lingering feelings of regret and sadness afterward.

As painful as these moments are, our responses to conflict can serve as a mirror, reflecting our true character. They may also be a rahma (mercy) from Allah, sent to reveal areas within us that need attention, growth and care.

In those heated moments, hold on, dear reader. Take a step back.

Pause, take a deep breath and remember there is One who knows the absolute truth.

Al-Baseer sees you, all of you - your struggles, intentions and efforts.

Al-Alim knows what lies within, the words spoken and unspoken, the motivations driving your actions.

As-Sami hears your worries, your pain and your longing to be understood.

Al Waliy (The Protecting Friend) is always be by your side, helping you. 

With this heightened awareness, you gain the ability to choose an elevated response, resisting the urge to react impulsively or fight back with an ego-driven need to come out on top. 

From a deep, soulful and courageous place, you will be able take into consideration: 

- Why this person is behaving the way they are.

- If they have the capacity to be open-minded, understanding, or hold space for your truth.

- Whether your words and actions create grounds for peace, or will they cause further harm?

Ask yourself:

- Is this a battle worth engaging in?

- Or can you gracefully let go, turning to your Lord and entrusting the matter to Him (SWT)? 

Sometimes, the wiser choice is to preserve your energy, tame your ego and seek God’s grace, placing you on a path of greater intention.

Impulsive reactions often fuel tempers and ego-driven battles where no one truly wins - everyone loses in some way. A small spark can quickly ignite into a raging fire, with Shaytan eagerly fanning the flames.

On the other hand, a patient response grants you the space to reflect, strategise and engage both your spiritual heart and reasoning to guide you in determining the best course of action - or whether a response is even necessary.

More importantly, by actively choosing sabr (patience), you stay connected to what truly matters - your soul, your relationship with your Lord and the deeds that will be recorded for you in the Hereafter.  

This reflects the mindset of a traveller, approaching life and its challenges with an understanding of the fleeting nature of this world and prioritising deeds that will resonate long after this life has passed.

But I get that in the heat of the moment, it can feel impossibly hard to hold back from retaliating with sharp comebacks or move past the hurt when you’re on the receiving end of harsh words or insulting behaviour. 

That’s why I’ll be hosting a free webinar on Wednesday, December 4th, where I’ll be sharing faith based wisdom and practical strategies for handling conflict and managing challenging people in our lives, InshaAllah.

I’ll send out the registration link in next week’s email, but in the meantime, I’d love for you to send a quick reply to let me know if this topic interests you :)