Don't be too quick to give up on difficult people

Assalaamu’alaykum,

There are some prescriptions in the Qur’an that aren’t so easy to follow. But the word prescription itself indicates there’s some healing in it, even if it tastes bitter at first.

This is one of the miracles of the Qur’an. Allah’s words often guide us toward actions that confront our egos, that feel almost too hard or too unrealistic to do. Yet, when we surrender that resistance and trust His wisdom, the transformation that unfolds is quite astounding.

Recently, I was reminded of this through two very different experiences with people.

The first was with someone in my work circle whose actions were directly affecting my work. I sought advice and most people told me to message them firmly, point out they were wrong and cut them off. But that approach didn’t sit right with me. So, I decided to raise it politely, hoping they’d see reason. They responded respectfully but continued the behaviour.

Instead of giving up, I reached out several more times, each time gently explaining the impact of their actions. I reminded myself that some people need time to understand and change. SubhanAllah, not only did they eventually stop, but that same person has now become a trusted and valued part of the work I do and someone I genuinely respect and appreciate.

The second situation was with someone much closer to me. There were a series of misunderstandings that led to very hurtful words being exchanged by someone dear to me. I tried my best not to respond on the same level. I focused on holding myself accountable first, setting healthy boundaries and pouring my emotions out to Allah.

It wasn’t easy, there were moments I wanted to fire back, but with Allah’s mercy, I held back and made duaa for them instead. Over time, Allah turned that relationship around completely. Today, it’s stronger, kinder and more meaningful than it's ever been. SubhanaAllah! 

When I reflected on both these experiences, I was in awe of how Allah orchestrated such beautiful outcomes, outcomes I doubt I would've seen if I had chosen to react differently. 

This is the power of Allah’s prescriptions. He tells us clearly:

وَلَا تَسْتَوِى ٱلْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا ٱلسَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ٱدْفَعْ بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا ٱلَّذِى بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُۥ عَدَٰوَةٌۭ كَأَنَّهُۥ وَلِىٌّ حَمِيمٌۭ

 "Good and evil are not equal. Repel [evil] with what is better, and then the one you had mutual enmity with will become as close as an intimate friend."
(Surah Fussilat, 41:34)

Goodness carries a weight that evil never can. When someone behaves harshly, Allah calls us to a higher standard...to respond with dignity, patience and compassion, just as we saw our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) do. It doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or abandoning boundaries, it means letting our character be guided by faith, not our ego, trusting that Allah can transform even the most difficult relationship into one of closeness and harmony, just as He promises.

And for anyone thinking, “But my situation is different, the people I deal with are cruel or unjust,” know that protecting yourself and setting limits is part of being wise and proactive. But even within that, Allah invites us to choose the response that is most pleasing to Him, one rooted in sabr, ihsaan and a good opinion of others (husn al-dhann).

Our nafs might resist. It whispers (or even screams) that if we don’t retaliate, we’ll lose. But the truth is, Allah’s promises never fail. When you choose the higher path, you might be quite amazed by the result. 

And sometimes, the positive change isn’t seen in the other person, the real victory lies in your own growth. When you can stay composed in the face of hostility, you begin to see beyond people’s words and notice what Allah might be showing you about yourself. Even painful exchanges can hold hidden gems if you receive them with humility.

You might face harsh words or unfair accusations, but if you can hold steady, responding with grace and an elevated perspective, you’ll often find a lesson, a mirror or a moment of growth that Allah has placed there for you. And even if those words were born from ill intent, you’ll be able to see the gem within them and feel grateful for the opportunity to purify and strengthen your heart.

It’s easy to react and hit back in an equally harsh insulting manner. But it takes courage, spiritual courage, to rise above and respond with grace. And the view from that elevated space? It’s always clearer, nicer and far more peaceful for the soul. 

So the next time you’re faced with conflict or hurt, pause and remember Allah’s promise, that even an enemy can become as close as an intimate friend when you respond with what is better. You never know whose heart Allah might soften through your patience or what goodness He might unfold through your restraint.

When you choose the higher path, you’re not just transforming relationships, you’re transforming yourself, InshaAllah.

As a side note, we truly love hearing from you and welcome your suggestions for what to include in our weekly emails. The Reflection and Du’aa of the Week were actually inspired by one of our readers’ ideas and we recently received another lovely request to include a Name of Allah relevant to each message which we’re happy to say is now part of our newsletter too.

So keep the suggestions coming and may Allah reward you for every bit of goodness that flows from it. Ameen ya Rabb!

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Reflection of the Week

Think of a situation where someone’s words or actions hurt you.
How might you respond differently if your goal was focussed on earning Allah’s pleasure?

Dua of the Week

اللَّهُمَّ اهْدِنِي لِأَحْسَنِ الأَخْلاقِ، لاَ يَهْدِي لِأَحْسَنِهَا إِلاَّ أَنْتَ، وَاصْرِفْ عَنِّي سَيِّئَهَا، لاَ يَصْرِفُ عَنِّي سَيِّئَهَا إِلاَّ أَنْتَ

Allahumma ihdini li ahsanil akhlaaq, la yahdi li ahsaniha illa Ant, wasrif ‘anni sayyi’aha, la yasrif ‘anni sayyi’aha illa Ant.

“O Allah, guide me to the best of character, for none can guide to the best of it except You. And turn me away from bad character, for none can turn it away from me except You.”
(Sahih Muslim, 771)

Allah's name of the Week

Al-Lateef (The Most Subtle, The Gentle)

Ya Lateef, be gentle with my heart in moments of conflict and help me respond with softness, wisdom and grace. Let Your subtle mercy shape my words and actions.