Questions we all need to explore

Assalaamu’alaykum,

I think kids speak a new language nowadays, I hear words like "nonchalant" "rizz" "cooked" and they laugh at my puzzled face or they cringe when I say these words back to them in conversations :))) Can we please go back to speaking good ol' plain English!

Another word that has caught the meme train is "performative" it means doing something just for show, to look good or to impress others rather than out of genuine care.

It's interesting to me that kids have picked up a radar (and term) to call out people they feel are being fake. In many ways, I'm glad they've developed a 6th sense for fakery, considering how much we see of it today.

Equally, I do worry kids can be too quick to judge and wrongly label others, sadly leading innocent people to be "cancelled" for all the wrong reasons.

For all the positive benefits of tech and AI, I find it quite scary that the landscape is changing so rapidly and young minds are being re-shaped in equal measure... what's the solution? Honestly, I don't know but lots of open honest conversations with our youth is definitely something we want to start doing more of.

But I digress, back to this word performative... I think it's an interesting word to explore for ourselves.

The prophet (saw) had both his public and private life scrutinised and publicised for the world to see. We know how he was with his companions, his community, his family and behind closed doors.

And subhanAllah, there were no misalignments, who he was in his outside dealings was the same man and character that would show up behind closed doors.

May Allah's peace and blessings be upon this great noble man and may we be honoured to walk in his footsteps until the last hour. Ameen.

But here's the question, can we say the same about ourselves?

Is our private and public face the same?

This is a question I'd like to spend time with for myself and I invite you all to do the same.

One caveat though, this is not an invitation to self deprecate or allow the inner critic a free run!

I invite you to explore with honesty, curiosity and self compassion, with an intention to identify where you might see sincerity (I say might because we can never truly know) and where you might see inconsistencies, perhaps moments in your public dealings where there may be traces of "performative" behaviour.

For example, do we become extra generous when eyes are upon us? Do we interact with others in ways our family never gets to enjoy? Or do we perform extra acts of ibaadah (worship) in public but drop them behind closed doors?

This email is not meant to finger-point or come across as judgemental in any way, it's my way of sharing Qs I'm sitting with at the moment for myself, Qs I believe we all have to ask ourselves repeatedly as part of our daily muhasabah (self evaluation) practice.

Here's a few Qs to sit with this week:

Who am I when I'm out in public? Who am I with my family behind closed doors? And who am I when nobody is watching except Allah?

Are these versions of me aligned?

Reflection of the Week

Notice who you are in different spaces this week. Where do you feel most aligned and where might you be adjusting yourself because of who is watching?

The aim isn't perfection, it's greater sincerity and alignment between who we are with people and who we are before Allah.

Dua of the Week

اللَّهُمَّ آتِ نَفْسِي تَقْوَاهَا، وَزَكِّهَا أَنْتَ خَيْرُ مَنْ زَكَّاهَا، أَنْتَ وَلِيُّهَا وَمَوْلَاهَا

Allahumma aati nafsi taqwaha, wa zakkiha anta khayru man zakkaha, anta waliyyuha wa mawlaha.

O Allah, grant my soul its taqwa and purify it, for You are the best to purify it. You are its Protector and its Guardian.

(Sahih Muslim)

Allah's name of the Week

Al-Baseer, The All-Seeing

Ya Baseer, You see us when eyes are upon us and when no one is watching. Purify our intentions and help us become people whose public and private character are beautiful and beloved to You.

Aameen, ya rabbal aalameen.